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The saddest thing

parenting self awareness Mar 09, 2017

The saddest thing would be if we let the fictitious voice of the confused inner critic stop us from doing what we were meant to do.

Don't you think?

Can you imagine letting something that has no basis in reality come in the way of all the potential good we could do on this planet?

What would the world be deprived of, if you kept yourself small and safe?

The truth is that not a single one of us really knows the extent of our full potential unless and until we push ourselves to go beyond our self doubts, fears and hesitations.

 

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The big secret behind the voice of the inner critic

Consider this: your inner critic actually has the best intentions. S/he fears for your safety. And s/he has taken on the job of the inner critic to keep you safe by keeping you small. If you do take risks, you cannot fail. You will be 'safe'.

In order to keep you safe, your inner critic tells you off, criticizes you and creates doubts and hesitations.

It ALWAYS operates from FEAR.

The fear of failure, of rejection, of not getting it right . . . It does not want you to experience any of these.

Here's the issue, though: It is said that ships are safe in harbour. If they do not leave the harbour they do not have to face the storms and the uncertainties that are inherent in leaving the safety of the dock.

But ships are not made for the harbour, are they?

Just as ships are built to sail out of harbor, you have come here to learn, to grow, to evolve, to share your gifts and to reach your full potential.

You cannot do any of this if you continue to play it safe and small and not leave the...

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What would you tell your best friend?

If a friend expressed self doubt or negative feelings towards himself or herself, what would you tell them? How would you encourage them to be realistically optimistic?

Would you say, "you are so stupid, you will never get this right"?

Or, are you more likely to say, "Yes you made a mistake. Who doesn't? Just learn from it and move on".

Should we not be at least as kind and encouraging to ourselves as we are to our friends?

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Are you aiming for the real prize or the booby prize?

Over the last month, we have discussed many ways to nurture our relationships.

We need to end this discussion with a word of caution.

Sometimes, when we become aware of new insights or learn new skills, our relationships take a turn for the worse!

How is that possible, you ask?

Because, once we learn these skills, we get REALLY good at figuring out how our spouse is falling short of applying these insights and strategies.

This kind of knowledge though, is a booby prize. A booby prize is defined as "a joke prize usually given in recognition of a terrible performance or last-place finish".

Here's the thing: if you are anything like me, you are already pretty good at figuring out how people around you can improve. So no real prizes for that!

Winning at love means taking on the challenge of 'self improvement' rather than 'other-improvement'.

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Ask for what you need

Wouldn't it be lovely if our significant others always knew what we wanted and needed without being told?

While it may be okay to wish this, we sometimes get frustrated when our spouse cannot
read our minds because we have told ourselves "they ought to know".

We begin to expect them to read our minds and predict what we need without having to ask for it.

Not only is this highly unrealistic, it is also a bit silly to blame someone for not being able to read our minds, don't you think?

Women, in particular, seem to find it challenging to ask for what they want.

Once you get the hang of it, however, it becomes much easier (and saves so much time!) to ask for what we need in simple and clear terms.

Try these on for practice!

- it is valentine's day next week. It would make me very happy if you plan an evening out for us.
- It would mean a lot to me if you tried harder to talk to my brother in law even though I know you don't find anything in common with him.
- Can you please watch Samir on...

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Give yourself permission to have a bad day

Some days no matter how hard we try we just cannot seem to get it together, live our purpose, be our best selves, be productive, get over a bad mood . . .

One option on days such as these is to simply accept it as an off day. Have some compassion for ourselves and recognize that this too shall pass.

Tomorrow is another day and another chance to get back on track. Inshallah.

I am often surprised that such phases end quicker than when I try to resist them and make myself wrong for having an off day.

So go on. Next time you are having a bad day, be kind to yourself and take it easy.

Just try and stay out of other people's way ;)

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The 4 demons that stand in the way of aiming high

Let's talk some more about discomfort. Aiming high and achieving our goals requires us to do some hard work. But it also requires us to become VERY used to living with uncomfortable feelings.

Let me explain.

  • Fear 
  • Uncertainty
  • Doubt 
  • Shame


These are some feelings that we encounter when we want to achieve something meaningful in our lives.

When we first begin on the journey to actualizing our potential, we think that if we are feelings these things, something's wrong. We may think that either we are on the wrong path or that we are ill equipped to take this journey.

What if I told you that EVERYONE (well, mostly everyone that various studies have followed!) feels fear, uncertainty and doubt when embarking on something ambitious and/or meaningful to them?

I remember that when I was writing my book last year, I became very familiar with what I began to call 'the demons' of fear, uncertainty, doubt and shame. These demons would make me want to give up on a daily basis.

I learnt...

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Between discomfort and delusion

Goals outside our comfort zone challenge us and encourage us to give it our very best. They create the right amount of stress to help us perform our best.

There is, however, a fine line between discomfort and delusion.

Delusion means that the goals are so unrealistic that they are highly unlikely to be realized. Delusional goals are not only outside our comfort level, they are wayyy outside our current skill set and available resources.

Goals in the delusional zone set us up for failure, leaving us feeling defeated, frustrated and discouraged.

Let us take health goals. Committing to a non-negotiable regimen of daily movement maybe outside our comfort zone if we do not have a regular program of movement and lead a sedentary lifestyle. Setting and achieving a goal of regular movement will require us to make commitments and develop habits which will very likely be uncomfortable in the short run.

Setting a goal of running 10K outside every morning in the winter at 6am in Eastern...

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Aim high when setting goals

Let us talk about career and personal goals for a minute.

You may be tempted to play it safe when you are setting goals. You may want to set targets that you can easily reach to avoid feeling the emotions that come with failed attempts at reaching your goals.

While easy goals may cause some satisfaction and feeling of achievement in the short run, (it feels sooooo good to tick off something off that list, doesn't it?) they do not lead to major progress or growth in the long run.

Your goals need to be outside your comfort zone to cause you to stretch and grow.

In other words, aim high. Get over playing it safe. No one who achieved anything significant in life did it while playing it safe.

Let the adventure begin.

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You will not meet all the goals you set this year

Here is your daily dose of Wisdom for Living Your Best Self!

You will probably not meet all the goals you set this year.

Most likely not.

Even with the the best intentions, the right plan and consistent effort, you may not meet all your goals.

So what?

Realistically speaking, with some smart goal setting and positioning yourself for success, you are likely to meet about 70% of the goals you set.

Of course, it is also possible that you may exceed some or all of the targets that you set for yourself.

And without concrete goals . . . .

Well, you already know what happens to all the new Year Resolutions that you have been making in the past.

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