Show gentleness in your language (DW#605)
Then speak to him a gentle word haply he may mind or fear.[Quran 20:44]
This verse from Sura Taha is addressed in the first instance to Prophet Musa (Moses) (as) when he was going to address the Pharaoh Almost counterintuitively, he is told that instead of being harsh, standing his ground or telling the tyrant off, he should speak to him mildly and gently.
The principle of speaking gently to those who are on an opposing side and most likely to trigger you is, in fact, the most intelligent and brilliant way to communicate.
When you are talking to someone who you do not have a relationship with, or someone who has very different views, our tendency is to criticize and stand our ground. This can seem like an attack to the other person, almost guaranteeing that they will not hear you or consider what you have to say. While you are speaking, they are busy thinking of ways in which you are wrong and how they are going to defeat your arguments.
If, on the other hand, we start by acknowledging their viewpoint, showing respect to them and appreciating them for something, we are in fact, "opening their ears" for them to listen to us. Their self-protection instinct can relax and they have the opportunity to focus on what we have to say.
Will this guarantee that they will agree with us and come to our side? Of course not. But it increases the likelihood that they will consider what we have to say. As it is said, you are more likely to catch bees with honey rather than vinegar.
And that the very least, it protects the relationship despite the disagreement.
Join our blog!
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.