Blog
The compound effect of change(DW #816)
Oct 12, 2020
Even those of us who are minimally financially savvy, may have heard about compounding savings or the magic of the doubling penny.
Here is how it is often explained:
You have two choices:
1. You receive $2.5m in cash today.
Or…
2. You get a penny and then you will get double of the previous sum every day for a month.
What should you choose? The $2.5m today or the doubling penny?
Well, if this choice presented itself in February, you would be better off with the $2.5m. After 28 days, your doubling penny is worth "only" $1.3m.
But for ALL OTHER MONTHS, you would be better off choosing the penny today.
Here is the math:
That one penny goes from 1 cent to 2 cents to 4 cents to 8 to 16 to 32 to 64 to over a dollar in 8 days … (slow progress, right?)
And then it starts to take off. As it keeps doubling over the month, it becomes $1.34m after 28 days and then it leaps from $1.34m to $2.7m on Day 29. Then from $2.7m to...
The Kaizen way to change(DW #814)
Oct 08, 2020
Continuing our conversation on being patient with the process of progress and growth, let us explore the Japanese concept of Kaizen
The word Kaizen translates as ‘continual improvement.’ It is improvement of the very small kind. Small tweaks and what we would call baby steps.
The philosophy of kaizen suggests that great and lasting success is achieved not through huge leaps, but rather by taking small and consistent steps.
These are changes so tiny and steps so small that they dissolve and overcome the mind’s resistance to change.
So think about it. What needs to change in your life? What is the first tiny TINY step that you can take to get on the path of progress?
Can you do one push up? Five jumping jacks? Walk 50 steps more than you normally do?
Sleep 10 minutes earlier?
Get up 10 minutes earlier?
Eat one salad leaf?
Do five minutes of meditation?
If so, please do this today. And once you do, you are officially on the path of progress.
Congratulations. ...
Being patient with the process(DW #812)
Oct 06, 2020
Once we shine the light of awareness on ourselves and confront what needs work, it is so tempting to want to fix things overnight. We may think, ok I got it. I need to work on my anger, my reactivity, my consistency, my emotional regulation, my tendency towards distraction . . . .etc. etc. etc. Now that I have recognized it and made an intention, it should be fixed right?
Nope. Sorry to tell you that it does not work that way.
Given that we have lived many years (or decades) with this kind of thinking or behaviour, it is unreasonable to expect that it will be easy to change. (Sometimes it is, but that is generally the exception and not the rule).
We need to remind ourselves that we need to go slow, progress step by step and above all, be patient with ourselves.
Why, you ask? What does patience have to do with this? Should I not be motivating myself with being strict with myself?
Here’s the thing: if you get lost in self-criticism and...
Learning to love the journey(DW #810)
Oct 02, 2020
Self-growth, as we have been saying, is a journey rather than a destination. This means that we will never actually reach our highest potential.
It makes sense then, to start enjoying the journey rather than focus only on the destination.
The journey, of course, is not always comfortable.
In fact, our highest or infinite potential exists right OUTSIDE of our comfort zone - in the middle of our DISCOMFORT ZONE. Rather inconvenient!!
However, once we have made peace with this fact, we can stop wasting precious energy in wanting to get rid of the discomfort. And get comfortable in the discomfort zone.
The good news, though, is that we are programmed to only feel a deep, true sense of happiness, meaning and flourishing when we are striving on the journey and in the discomfort zone.
Ancient roots of the concept of excellence and...(DW# 806)
Sep 28, 2020
The quest to live up to human potential has been an aspiration of human beings since time immemorial. Philosophical and spiritual traditions have emphasized the pursuit of living up to our full potential as the central work of human beings.
The Ancient Greeks for example, aspired to live with Arete, meaning excellence in all things. The term Arete also meant "moral virtue". This notion of excellence was also tied to the notion of fulfillment of purposeor function: in other words, living with Aretesignified the act of living up to one's full potential. To live with Aretemeant to strive to achieve your highest human potential: to be the best soldier, scholar, politician or craftsman that you could possibly be.
It is interesting that for the Ancient Greeks, as well as for most other cultures (up to the modern age, that is) the pursuit of excellence was always tied to virtue and morality. Achievement and success were closely linked to good...
Human potential(DW#804)
Sep 24, 2020
The one who acts with Ihsan is called a muhsin (the one who does excellent things, beautiful things, acts with excellence, virtue and grace).
In the Quran, we are told that He, God is the first Muhsin, that He is Ahsanul Khaliqeen, the best of creators, and that He is the one
Who made good everything that He has created [Holy Quran 32:7]
So God’s doing the beautiful began with creation itself, the crowing glory of creation is the human being, made in God’s most beautiful form.
In Sura Teen [The Fig], the Quran says:
Truly We created man in the most beautiful stature[Holy Quran 95:4]
Scholars remind us that this verse is one of the most emphatic affirmations of humanity’s exalted status, before which the angels were ordered to bow down. God declares in 38: 72:
I have proportioned him and breathed into him of My Spirit.
Here man is taken to mean all of humanity, male and female, believer and...
A gift to the relationship(DW# 798)
Jul 15, 2020
Relationships experts all agree on one thing: that no matter how evolved we are; we will mess up. Happy relationships are not those devoid of conflict, disagreement or hurt feelings. Even with the best of intentions, we will sometimes fail to live up to our best selves. There will be times that we are tired, stressed and will do and say things that we regret and things that hurt our loved ones.
The secret weapon of happy relationships then is not that these things do not happen. It is that people in happy relationships are really good at repairing when they make mistakes. Instead of being defensive, they are humble and recognize that they messed up. They own their mistakes, validate the hurt of their loved ones and learn to apologize effectively.
And so, a good apology is a gift to the relationship:
Two people can feel secure in the knowledge that if they behave badly, even fight terribly, they can repair the disconnection. We strengthen our relationships...
Decide how you will manage this relationship(DW# 793)
Jul 07, 2020
Once you have had time to process the emotional abuse and taken stock of its cost to you and to your life, you will need to decide what to do about this relationship.
Take the time you need to do this. It is not a good idea to hurry the process. It is not a good idea to make significant life decisions or to end/leave relationships when you are at the peak of emotional distress.
Some relationships are easier to let go of than others, of course. If gaslighting or emotional abuse is a part of a work relationship or a relatively new friendship, it is easier to walk away than when it is from a close family member or a spouse.
Please know that there is no right or wrong answer here. It is up to you whether you choose to continue or end this relationship. Please remind yourself that it is your situation and that your decision is valid even if other people in your life do not agree with it.
Before you decide, here are some options to consider:
You can walk...
Rose bud and thorn(DW#737)
Apr 14, 2020
Here is possibly my favourite way to check in with others.
Ask family members to think of their "rose, bud, and thorn" of the day:
Rose: this is the best thing that happened to them during the day.
Bud: is something they are looking forward to with hope.
Thorn: is the worst thing that happened to them today.
Please remember that the point is not to discuss why they think a particular thing is a rose or a thorn. Please do not discuss how their "thorn" is not so bad or try to get them to see the rose amongst the thorn!
That is NOT the point of this exercise.
The more we are able to validate and listen with understanding and compassion, the more open the others will be to moving beyond their current feelings and emotions.
Set an intention for the day (DW#728)
Apr 01, 2020
Have you noticed that how we begin our morning often sets the tone for the rest of the day?
I remember as a child when I was grumpy, my mom saying to me, "It looks like you have gotten out of the wrong side of the bed this morning"! (sorry mom!) I now realize what she meant was that if I was grumpy at the beginning of the day, I would likely remain so for the rest of the day.
As an adult, I am beginning to recognize that I can choose "which side of the bed I get out of". That I can practice setting an intention for how I am going to show up in the world today.
Let us remind ourselves what we mean by setting an intention.
An intention is about how we commit to showing up in our life everyday, regardless of what is happening around us. It is a guiding principle or value that we act from, and it is very much based in the present moment.
For example, intentions related to the present crisis might be:
I intend to be kind
I intend...