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A gift to the relationship(DW# 798)

Relationships experts all agree on one thing: that no matter how evolved we are; we will mess up. Happy relationships are not those devoid of conflict, disagreement or hurt feelings. Even with the best of intentions, we will sometimes fail to live up to our best selves. There will be times that we are tired, stressed and will do and say things that we regret and things that hurt our loved ones.
 
The secret weapon of happy relationships then is not that these things do not happen. It is that people in happy relationships are really good at repairing when they make mistakes. Instead of being defensive, they are humble and recognize that they messed up. They own their mistakes, validate the hurt of their loved ones and learn to apologize effectively.
 
And so, a good apology is a gift to the relationship:
 
Two people can feel secure in the knowledge that if they behave badly, even fight terribly, they can repair the disconnection. We strengthen our relationships...
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Decide how you will manage this relationship(DW# 793)

Once you have had time to process the emotional abuse and taken stock of its cost to you and to your life, you will need to decide what to do about this relationship.

 

Take the time you need to do this. It is not a good idea to hurry the process. It is not a good idea to make significant life decisions or to end/leave relationships when you are at the peak of emotional distress.

 

Some relationships are easier to let go of than others, of course. If gaslighting or emotional abuse is a part of a work relationship or a relatively new friendship, it is easier to walk away than when it is from a close family member or a spouse.

 

Please know that there is no right or wrong answer here. It is up to you whether you choose to continue or end this relationship. Please remind yourself that it is your situation and that your decision is valid even if other people in your life do not agree with it.

 

Before you decide, here are some options to consider:

 

You can walk...
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Rose bud and thorn(DW#737)

Here is possibly my favourite way to check in with others.

Ask family members to think of their "rose, bud, and thorn" of the day:

Rose: this is the best thing that happened to them during the day.
Bud: is something they are looking forward to with hope.
Thorn: is the worst thing that happened to them today.

Please remember that the point is not to discuss why they think a particular thing is a rose or a thorn. Please do not discuss how their "thorn" is not so bad or try to get them to see the rose amongst the thorn!

That is NOT the point of this exercise.

The more we are able to validate and listen with understanding and compassion, the more open the others will be to moving beyond their current feelings and emotions.

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Set an intention for the day (DW#728)

Have you noticed that how we begin our morning often sets the tone for the rest of the day?

 

I remember as a child when I was grumpy, my mom saying to me, "It looks like you have gotten out of the wrong side of the bed this morning"! (sorry mom!) I now realize what she meant was that if I was grumpy at the beginning of the day, I would likely remain so for the rest of the day.

 

As an adult, I am beginning to recognize that I can choose "which side of the bed I get out of". That I can practice setting an intention for how I am going to show up in the world today.

 

Let us remind ourselves what we mean by setting an intention.

 

An intention is about how we commit to showing up in our life everyday, regardless of what is happening around us. It is a guiding principle or value that we act from, and it is very much based in the present moment.

For example, intentions related to the present crisis might be:

 

I intend to be kind

 

I intend...
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