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Implementation intentions for your marriage (DW#585)

Have you tried WOOPing your marriage goals? Here are some examples of implementation intentions for your marriage:

· If I come home and my spouse is home, I will go and greet them and engage in a 6-second kiss
· If it is afternoon at work, I will call or text my spouse to check in
· If we are in bed at the end of the day, I will put my phone out of reach
· If we are arguing, I will not engage in toxic talk
· If we are in the middle of conflict, I will breathe and stay engaged and not shut down
. If I am tempted to have a conversation with someone who could be a threat to my marriage, I will end the conversation immediately and speak to my spouse about it
· If my spouse wants to talk about something important, I will make time and bring it up
· If my spouse wants time alone I will not give them a hard time about it
· If my spouse asks me what is wrong I will be brave and tell them

 

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Implementation Intentions to stop procrastinating (DW#584)

· If I get up in the morning, then I immediately drink a glass of water, say my prayers and then start my morning routine.

· If I’m getting on my laptop for the first time in the morning, then I immediately start working on my most important task without checking email or Facebook, or anything else.

· If I feel myself procrastinating, then I immediately mentally contrast, feel motivated, and get started with the necessary task right afterwards.

· If it’s 2pm, then I do deep work without distractions for another 2 hours.

· If I don’t feel like doing what needs to get done, then I do it anyway

· If I am working on something important, then I turn notifications off on my computer and leave my phone in another room

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Implementation Intentions for health (DW#583)

Here are some examples of implantation examples for health and fitness goals


·  If I get up in the morning, then I immediately put on my sneakers and go for a 20 minute run
. If I go for groceries this week, I will buy at least 5 types of vegetables
. If I get home from work, then I immediately cook myself a healthy meal (even if I don’t feel like it).
. If someone offers me an unhealthy snack, then I stay resolute and decline the offer.
.  If I am still struggling after two weeks to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I will look for group or individual support
. If I feel like giving up, then I call an accountability buddy or my coach.
. If it is 9pm then I shut off my devices and start my nighttime winding down routine so I can get a good night’s sleep
 
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Examples of implantation intentions (DW#582)

For the rest of this week, let’s practice coming up implementation intentions for various areas of our lives. 

Here are some general examples to get us going: 

  • If I feel like hitting the snooze button, then I immediately jump out of bed as fast as I can.
  • If I feel tempted to eat a chocolate, then I put it away and go brush my teeth.
  • If I catch myself wasting time on Facebook, then I immediately close it and get back to what I was doing.
 

Simple, right? So now think of something you are struggling with and come up with an implementation intention. 

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Implementation intentions (DW#581)

Last week we introduced the powerful practice of mental contrasting or WOOPing your goals. Have you tried it yet?

Peter Gollwitzer, a psychologist and leading researcher on the science of goal achievement (who happens to be Gabrielle Oettingen’s husband – love it when spouses team up to work at self growth <3 ), came up with the idea of implementation intentions for the Plan part of WOOP.

Once again, the idea is simple but brilliant:

IF x happens, THEN I will do y.

That’s it. This is how we plan and prepare for the obstacles that will definitely come in the way of realizing our goals and dreams.

If x (obstacle) happens or shows up

Then

I will do y (my plan for dealing with the obstacle).

This works because when we mentally rehearse something, we are preparing our minds to think of this as routine and we already have a plan in place to deal with it. And so we are not derailed or blindsided by it.


IF _________________________.

THEN ______________________.

GO!

...

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Four reasons why WOOPing works (DW#580)

There are some of us who are really really tied to the idea of visualizing success as the be-all and end-all to achieving their dreams.

Here’s the thing: if it is working for you, then please keep doing it and don’t change a thing.

For those of us who are finding that visualizing by itself is not helping us achieve our dreams (been dreaming of that dress size for a long long time – even have my old jeans hanging in the closet), we are not alone.

Here are some reasons why mental contrasting or WOOPing works better than visualizing by itself:

1) You have an insight and into why your current reality doesn’t match your ideal future

When you perform mental contrasting, it is common to experience some sort of "aha moment", an insight, or a revelation about why your goals haven’t materialized yet.

You become aware of obstacles that you’ve never even thought about before. And when you become aware of these obstacles you can prepare for them.

Here’s...

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An unexpected benefit of WOOPing (DW#579)

Let’s face it. We have goals that are in our comfort zone (they don’t stretch us at all), outside our comfort zone (the stretch zone – this is where the magic happens) or in the delusional zone.

Let’s take an example for someone like myself. I like the idea of health and fitness. Enjoy the process of eating clean and what it feels like. And I struggle with having a consistent fitness regime.

A stretch goal for me might be to consistently do an intermittent training workout 5 days a week for 6 months. It will be challenging and will require lots of motivation, consistency and will power but it is doable (though scary).

A delusional goal (fantasy) might be to run a 25Km marathon next week or to become a dress size 2 by summer.

Gabriele Oettingen’s dozens of studies have consistently shown that mental contrasting (the technical term for WOOPing) results in MORE motivation and a HIGHER chance of achieving our desired goals and outcomes when the goals are in...

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WOOP your dreams (DW#578)

Gabrielle Oettingen is a brilliant researcher who has spent her career studying the science of making your goals and dreams come to life.

She has come up with a simple but powerful way to manifest your dreams.

In her book Rethinking Positive Thinking, she also reminds us that it’s simply not enough to visualize our ideal life. Although it’s very important to start with a vision of our ideal lives, in order to make it happen, we need to "rub this dream up against reality."

Here is her WOOP formula for applying this idea in our lives.

W is for Wish - What do you want? At this point dream BIG. Imagine you have a magic wand. If you could have anything at all, what would it look like?
O is for Outcome - Why do you want it? What would it do for you if this dream became a reality? See it, feel it. REALLY feel it. Get excited.
O is for Obstacles - What’s in the way? What may stop you from getting what you want? Embrace the reality that there will be obstacles so that you...

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Mental rehearsal (DW#577)

Yesterday we talked about how it is not enough to simply dream of an exciting future. 

Let me repeat that. 

It is not that dreaming of an ideal future is not important to manifest your dreams. 

It is. 

Very. 


However, it is not enough. So what’s missing?

You also need to visualize and plan for the work involved in achieving that goal or manifesting that dream.

Dr. Joe Dispenza in his book You are the Placebo, talks about how you can determine your future. One of the key ways, he explains, is through "mental rehearsing". 

[Controlling your destiny] "is possible through mental rehearsal. This technique is basically closing your eyes and repeatedly imagining performing an action, and mentally reviewing the future you want, all the while reminding yourself of who you no longer want to be (the old self) and who you do want to be. This process involves thinking about your future actions, mentally planning your choices,...

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Visualizing success is great except for this (DW#576)

Do you remember the sensation created by the book The Secret? After it came out, many many people started visualizing what they wanted and what success looked like for them, on a regular basis, believing that it was the key to success.

Here’s the thing: it is important to dream. It is also valuable to allow yourself to dream big and let your imagination come up with what wild success looks like. And to feel the good feelings that come from dreaming about these successes.

But you should know one big caveat.

Research shows that when you indulge in this type of day dreaming, it releases all sorts of feel good chemicals and hormones in your brain and in your body. And your brain and body are tricked into feeling that you have already achieved this ….. which in turn dampens your motivation to take action towards your goal!

WHAT???

Yes. Your strategy for success may actually be holding you back from the very thing that you are chasing. (I have been down this rabbit hole many...

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