Blog

Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.
Stephen Covey

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Excerpt from the speech "Citizenship In A Republic" delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23 April, 1910

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Viktor E. Frankl

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
Viktor E. Frankl

The journey to writing the "Daily Wisdom" emails started when I was a child.

An avid reader from nursery school, I would mark up my books with writing that I enjoyed and which inspired me. I started curating a collection of quotes while I was still in elementary school. These handwritten quotes still dwell in an old yellowing notebook titled "Quotable Quotes". It is quite interesting to reflect on my personal journey of emotional and spiritual maturity through the quotes that I have gathered over the years.

The words of wisdom that I still gather (now in Evernote!) from books and people, in poetry and prose, inspire me to live up to my full potential, to do the right thing and to see the bigger picture. They validate my life experiences, encourage me to try harder when I feel discouraged and provide a healing balm to the heart on days when sadness and negativity overcome joy and positivity.

As we celebrate the now over 200 editions of Daily Wisdom (can you believe it? small steps do...

Over the past few weeks we have been sharing ways you can unknowingly ruin your relationship. Some of the posts were difficult to read and I really appreciate you hanging in there and continuing despite the discomfort you may have felt. The fact that you are still reading is a sign of your commitment not to ruin your relationship.

As you read the various posts, what did you notice?

I really hope that you sometimes caught yourself in the act of doing things that would ruin your relationship. (And we all do some of these things some of the time, by the way) I hope that you became more aware of your attitudes and behaviours that could damage your marriage if left unchecked. I pray that you paused for a moment at times, and asked yourself: Do I really want to ruin a perfectly good relationship?

If, on the other hand, while reading the emails you only reconfirmed how your spouse is ruining the relationship – you get absolutely no points for that! You actually did not need these...

Over these past few weeks you have learnt many ways to destroy a relationship if you wanted to. We also talked about how to save and protect your marriage if that is what you wish for.

Today, let us talk about the single most effective way to destroy a perfectly good relationship . . .

Have an affair

Of course, you are not going to wake up one morning and say to yourself "I'm going to destroy my relationship by having an affair". No - the path to this destruction needs to be paved slowly and in small steps.

Here is how to begin:

First stage:

• Have an unexplained discontent with your spouse – but do not discuss it with them or give them a chance to fix things. Keep all your resentments inside, allowing them to fester
• Feel that you are trapped in your marriage
• Have an overwhelming sense that your needs are not being met – that you are giving more than you are getting, that your spouse doesn't understand or appreciate you (and make them wrong for not being able to read...

If safety is the foundation of a healthy relationship, trust is the bedrock of that foundation. Marriage relationships can survive many storms and weather some neglect. Long term lack of trust though, weakens its very foundation, destroys the institution and leaves a mere shell of a relationship.

A VERY effective way to begin the slow weakening of your marriage is to keep secrets from your spouse and lie to them about small as well as important things. The longer you continue to abuse the trust that your spouse has likely placed in you, the more difficult it will be to repair the damage that you have done when you are found out – and you will be found out for sure eventually.

Here are five ways that secrets and lies lead you down the slippery slope of marriage destruction:

1) When you continue to lie and keep secrets, you will ensure that your spouse will develop a nagging feeling that something is not quite right. They will have a lingering feeling that you do not truly love...

If you could have solved certain issues in your relationship, you would have done it by now. If your spouse is requesting (begging) for you or the two of you to seek professional help, it is likely because the both of you are stuck in an unhealthy relationship pattern which you have been unable to move beyond. Or you have gone through something that is tearing your relationship apart.

In order to destroy your relationship, Pat Love suggests that you say a version of the following to your spouse when they request you to accompany them to therapy:

"I know more about me than any therapist"
"Those guys are crazier than their patients"
"I don't need some jerk poking around in my private life"
"It's pouring money down the drain"
"You're the one who needs a shrink"
"I just don't believe in it"

Saying things like the above will ensure that your spouse feels not only frustrated and helpless but also loses hope in the future of your relationship together.

If you want to turn your relationship...

There are many reasons why you may be addicted to substances, to pornography or to technology. Reasons such as mental health issues, family history of addiction or mental illness, former abuse that you have experienced and possibly trauma.

None of these are your fault.

Living with the impact of your addictions, however, is very challenging for your spouse and unless you do something about it, you will almost certainly destroy your relationship.

Addiction is not something you can deal with on your own. If you had the internal resources to deal with these challenges, you would not be addicted in the first place.

Start by taking the first step – face up to the reality of your addiction and agree to getting help. You may be surprised at how supportive your spouse is in your journey to healing if they know that you are doing what you can to help yourself.

Here is a link to a Help Guide for Addictions
https://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/addictions.htm