Blog
Keep the flow going(DW# 805)
Sep 25, 2020
Yesterday, we discussed how the Creator has done Ihsan on the human being by making him in the best of makes, full of potential and it is his work to live up to this potential.
The Quran also reminds us that the obligation extends to include others in the bounties that we have been granted.
In Sura Qassas (the stories), we are reminded:
and do good (to others) as Allah has done good to you [Holy Quran 28:77].
This is part of a longer verse where people are advising Korah, a very wealthy and arrogant man, to not be arrogant, to use his wealth for good and to do act with Ihsantowards others just as God has acted with Ihsantowards him.
The verse reminds us that sometimes Allah gives man some great bounties much beyond his own needs so that he can pass them forward. That the gifts and bounties that we have been freely granted well beyond our own efforts are not to stop with us but in fact to be used in the service of humanity. That we are in fact...
Human potential(DW#804)
Sep 24, 2020
The one who acts with Ihsan is called a muhsin (the one who does excellent things, beautiful things, acts with excellence, virtue and grace).
In the Quran, we are told that He, God is the first Muhsin, that He is Ahsanul Khaliqeen, the best of creators, and that He is the one
Who made good everything that He has created [Holy Quran 32:7]
So God’s doing the beautiful began with creation itself, the crowing glory of creation is the human being, made in God’s most beautiful form.
In Sura Teen [The Fig], the Quran says:
Truly We created man in the most beautiful stature[Holy Quran 95:4]
Scholars remind us that this verse is one of the most emphatic affirmations of humanity’s exalted status, before which the angels were ordered to bow down. God declares in 38: 72:
I have proportioned him and breathed into him of My Spirit.
Here man is taken to mean all of humanity, male and female, believer and...
Difference between Adl and Ihsan(DW#803)
Sep 23, 2020
To summarize our discussions over the last couple of days, while Adl(justice) is the foundation of social interaction, Ihsan means to go above and beyond the basic requirements of justice and to act with beauty, kindness, virtue and grace towards other beings.
In a social context, we know that we deal with imperfect human beings. People that we interact with have flaws and they make mistakes . . . and if we dealt with everyone only on the basis of justice, things would become quite difficult for everyone. We would be forever demanding rights and making sure that things are exactly fair.
So Allah orders us to deal with grace, to overlook and forgive, and to resist retaliating with an eye for an eye.
In a tradition, Ali (as) says: "Justice is achieved once you provide people with their due rights, and kindness is applied when you go beyond this and do them a favour."
Let us use examples of two professions which are currently going above and beyond their...
What is Ihsan(DW# 802)
Sep 22, 2020
Yesterday we started our discussion on verse 16:90 of the Quran where it says:
Indeed Allah enjoins justice (Adl) and kindness (Ihsan) and generosity towards relatives, and He forbids indecency, wrong, and aggression. He advises you, so that you may take admonition.
Yesterday we talked about the first injunction in this verse, which was that of Adlor justice, a foundation of a healthy family and society.
Today, let us explore second injunction of the verse, that of Ihsan.
The Arabic word Ihsanis rather challenging to translate into English. It is derived from the root word h-s-n which appears almost 200 times in the Quran in many derived forms. Some of these are ahsana ("does good"), ahsanu ("is best"), husnan ("good") and al muhsineen ("the good doers").
The word Ihsanis a verb which means to do or to establish what is good and beautiful. It is often translated as virtue or excellence but one...
The pursuit and practice of Ihsan(DW#801)
Sep 21, 2020
This year for the Muharram lectures, we focused our discussions on "The Pursuit and Practice of Ihsan". Over the next several weeks, I will be sharing some insights and wisdom from these discussions, many of which never made it to the lectures!
As always, our focus will be on commonalities, universal values and ethics which are shared by different faiths and cultures. We will also inshallah explore similar concepts in other traditions and throughout history with the aim of understanding that (conscious and enlightened) human beings throughout history have aimed towards the pursuit and practice of excellence and virtue.
The Quranic verse which we chose as our focusing theme is from Sura Nahl, chapter 16 of the Holy Quran (The Bee) where it says:
Indeed Allah enjoins justice (Adl) and kindness (Ihsan) and generosity towards relatives, and He forbids indecency, wrong, and aggression. He advises you, so that you may take admonition.[Holy Quran 16:90]
It is...
How much do you value the relationship(DW# 800 )
Jul 17, 2020
As we end our series on apologies, I leave you with one final thought:
If we value our relationships, we need to learn to apologize effectively. When we apologize, we send a clear message that the other person matters to us. That our relationship with them is valuable enough that we will do what it takes to make amends for our poor behaviour without evasion, excuse making or blaming.
Sometimes the process of apologizing is less about insisting on justice and more about investing in the relationship and the other person’s happiness. It is also about having the maturity and emotional intelligence to apologize for our part even when the other person’s reactions seem exaggerated, or when they can’t see their own contribution to the problem.
Here is how Dr Lerner ends her book Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts:
Lead with your heart and not your attack dog. It’s difficult and it’s worth...
Elements of a good apology(DW# 799)
Jul 16, 2020
Now that we have a good understanding of why apologies matter so much and how easily they can go wrong, let us explore what a good apology sounds like.
Researchers at various universities have found that the most compelling apologies include some or all of these elements:
§ An expression of regret
§ A statement of empathy for the pain caused
§ An explanation of what happened (not as an excuse!)
§ An acknowledgment of responsibility
§ A declaration of repentance
§ An offer of repair
§ A request for forgiveness
Their results suggest that if you’ve really messed up, you’ll do best if you use as many of these components as possible in your apology. However, the studies clearly showed that some of these components were much more important than others.
The researchers found that the single most important part of an apology is an...
A gift to the relationship(DW# 798)
Jul 15, 2020
Relationships experts all agree on one thing: that no matter how evolved we are; we will mess up. Happy relationships are not those devoid of conflict, disagreement or hurt feelings. Even with the best of intentions, we will sometimes fail to live up to our best selves. There will be times that we are tired, stressed and will do and say things that we regret and things that hurt our loved ones.
The secret weapon of happy relationships then is not that these things do not happen. It is that people in happy relationships are really good at repairing when they make mistakes. Instead of being defensive, they are humble and recognize that they messed up. They own their mistakes, validate the hurt of their loved ones and learn to apologize effectively.
And so, a good apology is a gift to the relationship:
Two people can feel secure in the knowledge that if they behave badly, even fight terribly, they can repair the disconnection. We strengthen our relationships...
A gift to ourselves(DW# 797)
Jul 14, 2020
Dr. Lerner explains that a good apology can restore our own self respect and also how much others respect us.
Our self-respect and level of maturity rest squarely on our ability to see ourselves objectively, to take a clear-eyed look at the ways that our behavior affects others, and to acknowledge when we’ve acted at another person’s expense. The good apology also earns us respect in the eyes of others, even though we may fear the opposite.
I would add that although taking responsibility earns us respect in the eyes of others, the greater benefit is that we restore our own self respect and self esteem.
When our conscience is pricking because we have harmed someone, it is so easy to try and make ourselves feel better by trying to avert the blame from ourselves and onto the other person. This does NOT work. We may distract ourselves in the short term but it comes at enormous spiritual and emotional cost.
The path to apologizing may...
The gift of a sincere apology(DW# 796)
Jul 13, 2020
We have talked at length about how apologies can easily go wrong and fail to make amends for our slips and mistakes.
Now let us look at what does make a good apology and why it matters.
Harriet Lerner puts it so well:
"I’m sorry" are the two most healing words in the English language. When they are spoken as part of a wholehearted apology, these words are the greatest gift we can give to the person we have offended. Our apology can help free the hurt person from life-draining anger, bitterness, and pain. It validates their sense of reality by affirming that, yes, their feelings make sense, we get it, and we take full responsibility for our words and actions (or our failure to speak or act). A heartfelt apology allows the hurt party the space to explore the possibilities of healing instead of just struggling to make sense of it all.
Isn’t that so powerful?
It is true that the hurt person has their own journey of forgiveness and...