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Check your understanding(DW#741)
As we develop our validation skills, we may get the emotion, the experience or the meaning behind it wrong.
This makes sense, because after all, we are trying to get a glimpse of someone else’s experience from our world view. Our lens and their lens are not the same. Our experience is not the same as their experience. We are trying to visit a foreign land and we may struggle to understand the language and the customs.
So, when you are trying to validate and get it wrong, remind yourself that it this is common and that you are learning. Your continuing effort to do this is the most important thing for your relationship.
To clarify your understanding of your loved one’s internal world, try some open-ended questions such as:
Is this a good time to talk?
Examples of validation (DW#740)
There are, of course, many many ways to validate. The essence of validation is to demonstrate that you recognize their emotions and that given their experience and world view, it makes sense that they would feel that way.
Here are some examples:
Here is what I am hearing you say (summarize what the other person has told you).