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The one thing you must do before setting goals...(DW #851)

If you are anything like me, about this time every year, you ask yourself the same question: where did the year go?

Even though this year has been extraordinarily challenging for some, and seemed to be going by verrryyyy slowly as we spent time huddled up at home, looking back, it may feel like we started hearing about this new disease just yesterday . .  .

Although many things have changed, there are some that haven't, including our habits and the way we tend to use our time.

Some of us get into a mad dash at the end of the year, trying to accomplish everything that we meant to do this year. Others are already thinking ahead to January and planning what goals they want to set for next year.

In order to start the next year off well, there is a very important step we can take right now.

Taking stock of this year as it ends.

Writing an end of year reflection is an excellent way to acknowledge your successes and wins and start considering where and how you might do better next year.

This...

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Make it actionable through clarity(DW #829)

When setting goals for self-development, it is important to make them action oriented.

 

For example: "take a 5 minute time out when you notice your head beginning to throb" is clear and actionable as opposed to "try to be calm".

 

This is what Ben Franklin also did in his journals. For example, instead of just setting the goal of achieving "sincerity," Franklin further defined it with a sentence—"Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly".

 

Think of something you are working on right now. Is it clear? Will you be able to tell if you have achieved it on any given day?
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Know what you are aiming(DW #827)

This week, we are exploring Ben Franklin’s program for self growth.

 

The first thing that he did was he made a list of virtues that he wanted to grow within himself.

 

While the words that he used may be a slightly outdated, the virtues themselves are mostly timeless and we could benefit from adopting many of them in our lives.

 

Here is Franklin’s list of 13 virtues:

 

·      Temperance: moderating eating and drinking

 

·      Silence: speaking only when it benefits others or yourself

 

·      Order: letting everything have its place

 

·      Resolution: resolving to do what you should; doing without fail what you resolve

 

·      Frugality: being careful with money and resources; wasting nothing

 

·      Industry: working hard but...
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Asking for what you need(DW#744)

Yesterday we talked about how to support your family members if they are feeling down or having a bad day.
 
What about you, though? Are you brave enough to ask for support from them? Many of us may be used to being there for others and find it challenging to ask for support in return.
 
If so, consider this: when we ask others to support us, we are actually giving them a gift:
 
The gift of letting them into our internal world
The gift of feeling emotionally connected to another
The gift of being there for someone else (and we know that feels good, right?)
The gift of modelling what intimacy looks like
The gift of being able to language emotions (emotional literacy)
The gift of recognizing that it is okay to have emotions and we do not need to act on them. That they will come and go
The gift of recognizing that we have the ability and the power to be there for a loved one and to make them feel better or feel supported.
 
So are you brave enough to share your...
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Goal achievement on turbo (DW#622)

There is another, subtler reason why pausing and expressing gratitude in the midst of a project can help us get further along the path of goal achievement.

According to researchers Francesca Gino and Bradley Staats, our brains release dopamine (the feel-good hormone) when we achieve goals. Makes sense that we feel good about our achievements, right?

Now, since dopamine improves attention, memory, and motivation(to get more of the feel good sensation), even achieving a small goal can result in a positive feedback loop that makes you more motivated to work harder going forward. When we pause to give gratitude for the achievement, this good-feeling is magnified: first through achieving the goal and secondly by savouring the win through recalling it with gratitude.

This is why we need to stop and give thanks in the pursuit of a goal. If we acknowledge the small wins and milestones along the way, the winning feeling of achievement is deepened and magnified. And it will continue to propel...

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Implementation intentions (DW#581)

Last week we introduced the powerful practice of mental contrasting or WOOPing your goals. Have you tried it yet?

Peter Gollwitzer, a psychologist and leading researcher on the science of goal achievement (who happens to be Gabrielle Oettingen’s husband – love it when spouses team up to work at self growth <3 ), came up with the idea of implementation intentions for the Plan part of WOOP.

Once again, the idea is simple but brilliant:

IF x happens, THEN I will do y.

That’s it. This is how we plan and prepare for the obstacles that will definitely come in the way of realizing our goals and dreams.

If x (obstacle) happens or shows up

Then

I will do y (my plan for dealing with the obstacle).

This works because when we mentally rehearse something, we are preparing our minds to think of this as routine and we already have a plan in place to deal with it. And so we are not derailed or blindsided by it.


IF _________________________.

THEN ______________________.

GO!

...

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Four reasons why WOOPing works (DW#580)

There are some of us who are really really tied to the idea of visualizing success as the be-all and end-all to achieving their dreams.

Here’s the thing: if it is working for you, then please keep doing it and don’t change a thing.

For those of us who are finding that visualizing by itself is not helping us achieve our dreams (been dreaming of that dress size for a long long time – even have my old jeans hanging in the closet), we are not alone.

Here are some reasons why mental contrasting or WOOPing works better than visualizing by itself:

1) You have an insight and into why your current reality doesn’t match your ideal future

When you perform mental contrasting, it is common to experience some sort of "aha moment", an insight, or a revelation about why your goals haven’t materialized yet.

You become aware of obstacles that you’ve never even thought about before. And when you become aware of these obstacles you can prepare for them.

Here’s...

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An unexpected benefit of WOOPing (DW#579)

Let’s face it. We have goals that are in our comfort zone (they don’t stretch us at all), outside our comfort zone (the stretch zone – this is where the magic happens) or in the delusional zone.

Let’s take an example for someone like myself. I like the idea of health and fitness. Enjoy the process of eating clean and what it feels like. And I struggle with having a consistent fitness regime.

A stretch goal for me might be to consistently do an intermittent training workout 5 days a week for 6 months. It will be challenging and will require lots of motivation, consistency and will power but it is doable (though scary).

A delusional goal (fantasy) might be to run a 25Km marathon next week or to become a dress size 2 by summer.

Gabriele Oettingen’s dozens of studies have consistently shown that mental contrasting (the technical term for WOOPing) results in MORE motivation and a HIGHER chance of achieving our desired goals and outcomes when the goals are in...

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WOOP your dreams (DW#578)

Gabrielle Oettingen is a brilliant researcher who has spent her career studying the science of making your goals and dreams come to life.

She has come up with a simple but powerful way to manifest your dreams.

In her book Rethinking Positive Thinking, she also reminds us that it’s simply not enough to visualize our ideal life. Although it’s very important to start with a vision of our ideal lives, in order to make it happen, we need to "rub this dream up against reality."

Here is her WOOP formula for applying this idea in our lives.

W is for Wish - What do you want? At this point dream BIG. Imagine you have a magic wand. If you could have anything at all, what would it look like?
O is for Outcome - Why do you want it? What would it do for you if this dream became a reality? See it, feel it. REALLY feel it. Get excited.
O is for Obstacles - What’s in the way? What may stop you from getting what you want? Embrace the reality that there will be obstacles so that you...

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It’s not me – it is you (DW#499)

The opposite of taking responsibility for everything is to deny responsibility even for the things that I CAN control. 

When we suffer from this cognitive distortion, we tend to blame all our actions and reactions on others. 

You made me mad. 
It is because of you that I over ate tonight. 
It is my friend’s fault that I am late because she would not hang up the phone. 
Everyone was smoking so I could not help myself. 
I lied to you because you cannot bear the truth.

What is the problem with thinking like this? You live your entire life feeling like a victim. If your actions are controlled by others, then you cannot change them, can you? You must wait until others change before you will see a change in your life. 

I would not hold my breath for that!

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