A reversal of boundaries leads to instability of structure (DW#362)
Apr 02, 2018
Shirley Glass explains that when a marriage is sliding towards infidelity, the arrangement of walls and windows gradually shifts, until the window and wall situation is completely reversed.
Over time, a wall is built between married partners. The big picture window, once so clear, shrinks down between them. Soon, a wall is put up in its place. There may still be a window there, but it’s very small and cloudy. There’s very little communication, and eventually, at least one partner has shut out the other.
Simultaneously, a window has opened up between one of the partners and a separate love interest, the affair partner. That person then becomes the person they are primarily communicating with routinely.
In this situation, the affair partner is now the one on the inside. The relationship partner is on the outside, behind a wall.
Once this happens, it is very challenging to reverse the situation (because there is pleasure on one hand and guilt on the other - both leading to closeness to the affair partner and distance from the spouse - and this is why affairs tend to continue long term.
Once this happens, it is very challenging to reverse the situation (because there is pleasure on one hand and guilt on the other - both leading to closeness to the affair partner and distance from the spouse - and this is why affairs tend to continue long term.
Can you see how reversing the walls and windows in a relationship result in destabilizing the marriage?
Are your walls and windows where they need to be? And in good repair?
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