Do the math (DW#980)
Oct 15, 2021
Yesterday, we talked about how we can build (and rebuild) love one pleasant interaction at a time.
Now, reality is that despite our best efforts, we will not succeed all the time and that there will be times when we are not at our best, we are snappy or irritable and the interaction with our loved one/s will not be a pleasant one.
Luckily, we don’t have to aim for 100% pleasantness.
According to our favourite marriage expert, Dr. John Gottman, we need to know and work towards the "magic ratio" in stable and happy relationships.
The difference between happy and unhappy couples, Dr. Gottman and his team has found, is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict. There is a very specific ratio that makes love last.
That "magic ratio" is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions.
What this means is that when you have a negative interaction, pause, take a breath. Make a repair. Apologize. Show appreciation. Make it an intention to balance that negative interaction with at least five or more positive interactions as soon as possible.
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