Tell me more. (DW#434)

Today’s phrase, "tell me more", is one of those phrases that is multi-purpose and an overall great communication tool.

Tell me more can be used when you want to encourage the other person to talk more and share what is going on for them, especially if they are slow to open up. 

Tell me more can be used as a way to buy time for yourself and calm down when you have just heard something which is triggering you. Think of it as a way to give your brain a chance to respond rather than react. It is especially useful when you know that your first reaction is likely to shut down the other person rather than continue communication (such as when you "freak out" at something your children are telling you).

Tell me more can be used when you are really interested in something and genuinely are curious to learn more about what the other person is saying. It is a great way to learn from others and build friendship at the same time as people blossom at the chance to talk about something that interests them.

Tell me more can be used when you really do not understand another’s point of view and are locked in conflict. Inviting the other person to share their thoughts and feelings about a subject of disagreement is a huge act of love since it is so challenging. By continuing the conversation, you are demonstrating that although you disagree, you are open to influence (Dr. Gottman has found that this is a key characteristic of happy couples). 

So go ahead: practice saying tell me more and enjoy the warmth and goodwill you receive from others as they relish the opportunity to tell you more!

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