The choice that will determine the future of your marriage (DW#371)
Apr 15, 2018
Both happy and unhappy marriages have one thing in common: there are times when things are not going so well.
During such a period, there is a major choice point for you. According to research by Dr. Gottman and others (of 40,000+ couples), how you think and what you do during this time will determine the future of your relationship:
The betrayal choice:
When things go badly
- Don’t voice complaints to partner
- Instead:
- Keep them in the dark about how you are feeling
- Trash partner to others
- Make negative comparisons –
"I could do better elsewhere"
- Nurture resentment for what is missing rather than what is present
- According to research by Rusbult: negative comparisons are the
beginning of the cascade toward infidelity
The commitment choice:
When things don’t go well,
- Voice complaints to partner & work it out
- Cherish partner and recognize the investment that you both have in the relationship
- Nurture gratitude for what you have rather than resentment for what is missing
- Remind and say to yourself: "this is my journey; this is the love of my life."
- Say to yourself: "I am lucky to have this person."
- Say: "This is a great relationship."
- Remind yourself that the grass is greener where you water itand focus on watering and feeding your own grass rather than eyeing your neighbour’s lawn.
So when (not if) things are challenging in your relationship, which choice will you make and which path will you choose?
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