Be passive-aggressive (How to ruin a perfectly good relationship)

When something bothers or upsets you, under no circumstance tell your spouse what it is honestly or directly. Instead, express your anger indirectly in other ways, leaving them feeling like the two of you are in the middle of a fight but not quite sure what they did wrong to cause it.

Some great ways to show passive-aggression are:
- Go somewhere you don't want to go but drag your feet while going there, be late, make sure you are not pleasant company. Let everyone see that you are not happy to be there
- Say things like "I'm not mad", "Fine, whatever." "Yes dear" while seething on the inside
- Deliberately procrastinate. Rather than tell your spouse that you cannot agree to their request, delay completing their request until they get very frustrated, thereby punishing them for making the request.

Such behaviour will ensure that it is not possible to resolve the issue or reach closure. Make sure that your anger is always underneath the surface, simmering, causing resentment and leaking out in other ways which are not related to the issue that upset you in the first place.

Doing the above consistently will ensure that your spouse gets fed up with your angry vibe but not having a clue what causes it or how they can fix it.

If you want to improve your relationship on the other hand, try this instead:
1. Recognize that unless you are the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa, there are some things in your relationship that will annoy and upset you.
2. Realize that if your relationship is worth keeping, it is worth improving upon. It is NOT a good idea to suck it up all the time. Sucking it up is a good short term strategy but not a great long term strategy – if you consistently supress your anger, it will show up in other ways.
3. When something upsets or annoys you, be brave and learn to speak up. Learn to communicate without attacking the other in a way that helps your spouse hear your complaints and allows for a discussion and a possible resolution of the issue.

Here are some older posts that might help:

Pick a fight

Refuse to discuss issues

Be critical

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