How much do you value the relationship(DW# 800 )
Jul 17, 2020
As we end our series on apologies, I leave you with one final thought:
If we value our relationships, we need to learn to apologize effectively. When we apologize, we send a clear message that the other person matters to us. That our relationship with them is valuable enough that we will do what it takes to make amends for our poor behaviour without evasion, excuse making or blaming.
Sometimes the process of apologizing is less about insisting on justice and more about investing in the relationship and the other person’s happiness. It is also about having the maturity and emotional intelligence to apologize for our part even when the other person’s reactions seem exaggerated, or when they can’t see their own contribution to the problem.
Here is how Dr Lerner ends her book Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts:
Lead with your heart and not your attack dog. It’s difficult and it’s worth it. The courage to apologize, and the wisdom and clarity to do so wisely and well, is at the heart of effective leadership, coupledom, parenting, friendship, personal integrity, and what we call love. It’s hard to imagine what matters more than that.
And this ends our series on apologies. It is a good idea to pause and reflect on what has shifted for us, stayed with us and what our takeaways and action points are. I have been getting many questions on apologies and will inshallah share the answers in a few days.
We are now at 800 posts alhamdullilah. I am so grateful for your ongoing support. Would you be so kind to take a moment to share what DW has meant to you? How specifically it has encouraged you to live and love better? Inspired positive action?
DW is on pause for the rest of the summer. I will be working on other things and will be in touch inshallah from time to time.
Look after yourselves, be kind to each other and do your best.
With deep appreciation and gratitude for your attention and your support
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