Phub your partner (How to ruin a perfectly good relationship)

Here is a modern way to destroy your relationship: keep "phubbing" your partner: snub your partner by showing them that your smart phone is wayyy more important to you than they are. Be distracted by your cellphone while in the company of your spouse and refuse to change your behaviour when they protest.

According to two recent studies, phubbing is a really effective way to create conflict in the relationship, to lower relationship satisfaction, to lower life satisfaction and to create depression in your spouse.

Here are some ways to perfect the art of phubbing:

· Check your phone first thing in the morning and last thing at night – before and after you greet your spouse.
· Always bring your phone to the dinner table and during meals with your spouse, make sure to pull out and check your cell phone.
· Places your cell phone where you can see it when you are together. Keep glancing at it expectantly as if you save you from an intimate moment with your spouse.
· Keep your cell phone in your hand when your spouse is with you.
· Make sure your ringer is on at all times and the moment it beeps, pull it out even if you are in the middle of a conversation.
· Keep glancing at your cell phone while you are talking to them.
· If your spouse complains about your cell phone usage, say things like: "Well someone has to take care of important stuff". "Some of us have a life". "Why you getting bent out of shape". "Well, YOU do it too".
· Make sure to use your cell phone during leisure time that is meant for family.
· Take your spouse on a date but keep your phone on and keep looking at it.
· At the first lull in conversation, make sure to check your phone for those very important messages.

There are of course other ways you can use your phone to ruin your relationship such as rekindling old romances on social media, communicating with someone you should not be communicating with and then hiding it from your spouse. But more on that one later!

If you wanted to protect your relationship from destruction on the other hand, try this instead:

· Become mindful of how your relationship with your cellphone might be impacting your relationship with your spouse
· Create sacred times and sacred zones in your home and in your relationship which are designated cell-phone free. This is when and where your spouse can count on you being present without distraction
· Recognize that attention is the lifeblood of your relationship and like psychological air for your spouse. If you are constantly distracted, your relationship is being choked of it's lifeblood and air.

Here is a longer post about What your smartphone is doing to your relationships

Check out my book on Parenting in the Age of Facebook and please scroll down for a list of recommended books on relationships and Parenting in the Age of Facebook

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