Practice self-compassion(DW# 791)
Jul 06, 2020
We have been discussing ways to cope and to resource yourself when you are the target of emotional abuse such as gaslighting.
For women, who tend to the target of such abuse, it is easy to slip into questioning one’s judgement even more and being hard on yourself for falling for this behaviour. While this is tempting, please know that it will do nothing except make you feel worse. It will NOT help you cope any better, do better or feel better in this situation.
What will work to build your resources is the practice of self-compassion.
At times like this, it is really important to practice being kind to yourself and to remind yourself of your humanity, of how you "fell for this" because of your love and trust, both of which are positive feelings which are important aspects of wellbeing.
The practice of self-compassion is a widely researched tool in mental and emotional wellbeing. Let us briefly remind ourselves about the three key aspects of self-compassion.
[For those who want to dive deeper into this subject, check out these podcast episodes on self compassion –
And Building resilience through self-compassion
Very briefly, here are three core aspects of self-compassion:
Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgment: self-compassion begins with being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or beating ourselves up with self-criticism.
Common Humanity vs. Isolation: this means that we remind ourselves that although we may feel isolated, feelings of pain and distress when we have been betrayed or taken advantage of are common amongst people in the same situation.
Mindfulness vs. Over-identification: means that we even through our pain, we are able to take a balanced approach to our negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated and that we are able to view our situation from a larger perspective.
When we practice self-compassion through our challenging situations, we are able to build resilience and to maintain hope that though this painful, we will inshallah go through these challenging times and come out okay at the other end.
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