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Self protection(DW# 764)

relationships self development wellbeing May 28, 2020

Continuing with our exploration on why it is so challenging to apologize when we have hurt someone, today let’s talk about self protection.

As human beings, we are designed to protect ourselves and this includes protecting our sense of self, our ego from feeling badly. We are hard wired to defend ourselves from outside threats, as well as from thoughts and beliefs that lead to a threat to our sense of ourselves as good people.

This is why we do not like to admit that we are wrong. When we admit that we are wrong or have made a mistake, our conscience makes us feel remorse which is an uncomfortable feeling.

Of course, we need to remember that our conscience has been designed for precisely this purpose: to make us feel remorse when we fail to live up to our highest values. It is our moral compass. It is what helps us realign ourselves and our actions to our enlightened self-interest and live as humans in the full sense of the word. It is also what ensures that...

Talking about magnitude(DW# 763 )

relationships wellbeing May 27, 2020

It goes without saying that not offences are the same. And apologies for smaller offences can be much easier to offer than for the big ones.

What do I mean by that?

Harriet Lerner in her great book on the subject: Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts explains the difference between small medium and big hurts.

Small everyday happenings that are not necessarily in our control or our fault.

There are things that happen everyday in our lives which cause inconvenience to our loved ones and they involve us in some way.

For example, I get held up in a traffic jam on the way home from work causing the family to wait for dinner

Saying sorry in such a situation is not really asking for forgiveness since these happenings are not anyone’s fault. Rather, it is simply an empathic response to another person’s pain. We are saying, in essence, I am sorry you have to go through this ordeal.

Saying sorry in...

Why is it so hard to apologize?(DW# 762)

relationships wellbeing May 26, 2020

Yesterday, we talked about why it is important to learn how to apologize effectively.

However, it can be very challenging to do this.

This is how author Sharon Begley explains it:

Apologies are the Brussels sprouts of relationships. Research says they’re good for us, and, like a dinner of the green stuff after a lunch of burger and fries, they can erase or at least mitigate the ill effects of a transgression. But there’s something about both apologies and tiny bitter brassicas that makes us often choose something else on the menu, thank you very much.

In the next few days, let us explore some of the reasons why it is so hard to apologize.

Firstly, there is often a "magnitude gap" between how each side perceives an offense. When we hurt someone, it is very tempting to underplay our offence and chalk it down to their "sensitivity" rather than to take responsibility for our actions.

For the one on the receiving end of the transgression,...

Why must we apologize?(DW# 761)

relationships wellbeing May 25, 2020

Today inshallah we start a series on apologizing.

Why is this important?

As human beings, we make mistakes all the time.

All. The. Time.

Despite our best intentions, we often end up saying or doing things that hurt other people, often people we love most. In fact, it is our closest relationships that are the most impacted by our shortcomings and slips.

And when our loved ones are hurt by us, it impacts our own wellbeing whether we recognize it or not.

It is now well documented that our happiness and wellbeing is best predicted by the breadth and depth of our social connections, that is, our relationships with spouses, friends, family, neighbours and work colleagues. Strong relationships are good for us on many different levels and so it is important that we repair relationships that are struggling or impacted by small hurt and big betrayals.

Not apologizing also impacts our relationship with ourselves, our self-esteem and our spirituality (we will explore this in the...

Connect to the Book(DW#746 )

quran ramadan wellbeing Apr 27, 2020

Wishing you and your loved ones the blessings of the Holy Month of Ramadan. As always, we will turn our attention to verses of the Quran during this month. We will inshallah focus on a verse a day and reflect on how we can live the timeless wisdom of the Book in our modern lives.

In verse 57 of Chapter 10 (Sura Yunus/Jonah), Allah says:

O mankind! There has come unto you an advice from your Lord, and a cure for that which lies within breasts, and a guidance and a mercy for the believers. [Holy Quran 10:57]

The verse addresses all of mankind and alerts them to the four functions of the Holy Quran:

1) An advice – The word maw‘idhah is a reminder to do good, but it is a reminder which is gentle and full of loving care. An exhortation to do good which will benefit us. It is the kind of advice that touches hearts that are open and receptive. It is the kind of advice that can guide us towards excellence of...

Ground yourself in your intention(DW#729)

distress intention selfdevelopment selfgrowth wellbeing Apr 02, 2020

Yesterday, we talked about how we can set the tone of the day by setting an intention before we even get out of bed.

Today, let us deepen this practice further. The following is a grounding practice that can greatly help us start the day right and have an anchor to come back to in moments of anxiety or distress. When your mind is racing and going down the anxiety tunnel, a grounding practice such as this can help bring you back to the here-and-now. It is a great way set a calm anchor that you can come back to again and again.

All these steps combined take only moments to practice but can have a profound impact on our wellbeing.

Once you get out of bed, feel your feet firmly planted on the floor.

Stand up tall.

Take a few deep breaths (in through the nose, down and into your sides and into your back).

As you exhale, expand your awareness into your surroundings, taking a moment to notice sounds and smells.

Now remind yourself of your intention and feel...

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Blog

Self protection(DW# 764)

Talking about magnitude(DW# 763 )

Why is it so hard to apologize?(DW# 762)

Why must we apologize?(DW# 761)

Connect to the Book(DW#746 )

Ground yourself in your intention(DW#729)

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