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The fourth principle that we will explore from Sonja Lyubomirsky's The Myths of Happiness is this:

Spend money now to enjoy something in the future.

Research confirms that anticipating a pleasant or happy event brings us joy.

We have probably experienced this ourselves, when we book a summer holiday, for example. The planning, the dreaming and the talking about sunny days on the beach and starlit nights bring us much pleasure and enjoyment long before the event actually takes place.

Now before we all go and look for that super once in a lifetime trip, a quick word of caution: the results of happiness research favour "the ordinary over the intense".

In other words, we get more "bang for our buck", so to speak, if we spend our money on many small pleasures rather than a few big ones.

So instead of spending our life savings on that one fantastic trip, we would be better off planning small but regular get-aways or outings with the family. Or even planning a free picnic to the local park...

Sonja Lyubomirsky's second principle to enjoy your wealth so that it brings you happiness is this:

Spend money on others not yourself.

There is some fascinating research here. It turns out that if you give people $20 and have them spend it on themselves they'll be less happy than if they spend it on others. Cool, huh?

(I wonder if this is the one reason why people like Bill Gates give away such a significant portion of their wealth?)

So, shall we experiment with generosity this week?

Let's face it. Our generation as a whole has more money and disposable income than any other generation in history. This material progress has not resulted in increased emotional or psychological wellbeing.

Quite the opposite.

We are so rich, in fact, that we have "rich people problems" and our youngsters (not to mention their parents) have managed to catch a brand new virus.

This 'virus' is called the "Affluenza Virus" and it is defined as "a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more."

Symptoms of the "Affluenza Virus" include:

- Shopping Fever . . .shopping as entertainment and fulfillment. (Newsflash: Just as "dieting makes you fat" so "retail therapy makes you sad.")

- Chronic Stress . . .

- Hypercommercialism . . . confusing personal identity with the brands you wear

- Believing that "Anti-social behavior in pursuit of a product is a good thing."

- A Rash of Bankruptcies . . . the top 10%...

What you put your attention on will determine what you see and how happy you will be.

Really!

Your world, like mine, is full of beauty, compassion, kindness and heroism.

It is also full of cruelty, evil, disparity, disease and distress.

Where is your attention?

Did you know that happiness has its own holiday?

Five years ago, the General Assembly of the United Nations proclaimed March 20 to be the International Day of Happiness.

You might be wondering why on earth do we need a day to celebrate happiness? Isn't it quite hokey and mushy for a world organization like the UN to talk about a personal and emotional concept such as happiness?

It turns out that personal happiness has a significant impact on the larger society.

Research shows that happy people are healthier; they get sick less often and live longer. Happy people are more likely to get married and have fulfilling marriages, and they have more friends. They make more money and are more productive at work.

Based on decades of research, therefore, it has become clear that happiness is not just a personal issue; it's a matter of public health, global economics, and national well-being.

In light of this, it is not surprising that governments and national organizations are taking personal...

Did you know that many people who are the *best* at what they do also have a critic inside their heads?

Bill Russell, for example, one of the great names in basketball ... the only athlete to ever win an NCAA Championship, an Olympic Gold Medal, and a professional championship all in the same year—1956... had one small problem: He used to get so nervous that he threw up before every game.

So it turns out that he too, had a strong inner critic telling him what could go wrong and making him so nervous that he would throw up.

How did he become one of the great names in his sport?

He simply learnt to ignore the critic and do what he needed to do.

Over the last month, we have discussed many ways to nurture our relationships.

We need to end this discussion with a word of caution.

Sometimes, when we become aware of new insights or learn new skills, our relationships take a turn for the worse!

How is that possible, you ask?

Because, once we learn these skills, we get REALLY good at figuring out how our spouse is falling short of applying these insights and strategies.

This kind of knowledge though, is a booby prize. A booby prize is defined as "a joke prize usually given in recognition of a terrible performance or last-place finish".

Here's the thing: if you are anything like me, you are already pretty good at figuring out how people around you can improve. So no real prizes for that!

Winning at love means taking on the challenge of 'self improvement' rather than 'other-improvement'.

One of Dr. Gottman's biggest research findings is the 5:1 rule.

Dr. Gottman has found that for the emotional climate of a relationship to be positive, the ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions between the spouses has to be greater than 5:1. This is because negative experiences have a much bigger impact on the human brain than positive ones (something we will talk about in the future inshallah)

Simply put, this means that for every negative interaction you have with your spouse (even happy couples have negative interactions) you need to have at least 5 times as many positive ones to keep the relationship happy.

I once came across a woman who taught me a great lesson about acceptance in relationships.

A group of us were complaining about annoying habits of spouses and how they can drive us quite crazy. She was the only one in a long term relationship who did not add to the griping.

We wondered if she was married to a saint.

"Nope", she said, "He is no saint. Early on in my relationship, I made a list of all the things I find irritating about my husband. I then made a decision to accept him as he is and love him despite all these annoying habits that sometimes drive me crazy. So now, on days when I want to nit pick at his exasperating habits, I remind myself, Oh yea, that is on the list, so big deal".

If we have been grumbling about the shortcomings of our other halves for a while now, isn't it time to accept them as they are, the whole package?

One of the worst things we can hear from the ones we love are: "I am sorry but . . ." or "I am sorry if . . . ".

Imagine that you are on the receiving end of such an 'apology'. The words "I am sorry" become meaningless when they followed by 'ifs' and 'buts'.

A true apology contains three simple ingredients:

Regret: I am sorry for causing you pain.
Responsibility: I accept my part in it.
Remedy: Here is how I would like to make it up to you.

Practice making a clean apology and then STOP before you are tempted to undermine it by 'ifs and buts and what about yous'.