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But here is the thing: if we have wronged or hurt another human being, God will forgive only once we try to make amends with that person. And while our salvation may not depend on whether the other person forgives us, it will surely be impacted by the fact that we tried to make amends with them?

"In order to offer a heartfelt apology, a person needs to have a solid platform of self-worth to stand on," she says. "From this higher vantage point, the person can look out at their bad behavior, and they can apologize because they’re able to see their mistakes as part of a much larger, complex, ever-changing picture of who they are as a human being."

Part of maturing and growing as human beings involves taking stock of our dysfunctional beliefs, thought patterns and actions, evaluating their impact and choosing our own path forward.

If we have a history of being harshly criticized by parents or other important people while growing up, we may find the idea of apologizing humiliating and as a coping mechanism, we may avoid admitting mistakes because of the horrible feelings and memories that apologizing brings up.

He goes on to explain that it is true that allowing yourself to witness someone’s pain and to apologize makes us...

The truth is that when we apologize for what we did wrong, we do not know how it will be received.

And this fear of the unknown may keep us from accepting fault and making amends.

We may fear that our attempts at repair will be rejected.

The prospect of getting a cold shoulder, of not being forgiven or losing a relationship can understandably be unsettling, especially when it comes from someone we still love, care about and want to maintain a relationship with.

We may also be concerned that apologizing will open the floodgates to further accusations and conflict.

The logic behind this kind of thinking is that once we admit to one or more actions of wrongdoing, surely the other person will pounce on the opportunity to pile on all the previous offences which hurt them and are not yet forgiven. We fear that once we admit to doing anything wrong, it will forever be...

When we do something wrong, we feel guilty. It is normal and healthy to feel guilt and remorse when we do things that hurt other people or ourselves. This guilt is our internal moral compass that alerts us when we move away from our values and from our sense of right and wrong.

Healthy guilt allows us to see that we can change our behaviours and make amends. And it gives us the motivation to do so. And when we act in accordance with our guilt to make amends, we feel much better about ourselves.

Shame, on the other hand, is different.

While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes us feel about ourselves—about who we are. Unlike guilt, shame may not go away when we take actions to repair the hurt that we have caused. And the fear of feeling shame makes us very reluctant to own up to our mistakes and...

This is why we do not like to admit that we are wrong. When we admit that we are wrong or have made a mistake, our conscience makes us feel remorse which is an uncomfortable feeling.

What do I mean by that?

Small everyday happenings that are not necessarily in our control or our fault.

There are things that happen everyday in our lives which cause inconvenience to our loved ones and they involve us in some way.

Apologies are the Brussels sprouts of relationships. Research says they’re good for us, and, like a dinner of the green stuff after a lunch of burger and fries, they can erase or at least mitigate the ill effects of a transgression. But there’s something about both apologies and tiny bitter brassicas that makes us often choose something else on the menu, thank you very much.

Why is this important?

As human beings, we make mistakes all the time.

All. The. Time.

Despite our best intentions, we often end up saying or doing things that hurt other people, often people we love most. In fact, it is our closest relationships that are the most impacted by our shortcomings and slips.

And when our loved ones are hurt by us, it impacts our own wellbeing whether we recognize it or not.

It is now well documented that our happiness and wellbeing is best predicted by the breadth and depth of our social connections, that is, our relationships with spouses, friends, family, neighbours and work colleagues. Strong relationships are good for us on many different levels and so it is important that we repair relationships that are struggling or impacted by small hurt and big betrayals.

Not apologizing also impacts our relationship with ourselves, our self-esteem and our spirituality (we will explore this in the...