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It is call Highs and Lows. It is a great way to spark off dinner conversation about the happenings of the day.

Ask people to think of their "high and low" of the day – this is the best thing that happened to them during the day, and the worst thing that happened to them.

Give everyone a chance to think, then have everyone share with the family.

Once again, it is up to the person whether they want to explain and elaborate on their feelings about what happened, or not.

Conversations like this are very helpful in letting our family know that we can talk about the hard and challenging stuff as well as the happy and positive stuff. That both our successes and our challenges can be discussed and will be met with validation and understanding.

Simply sharing and being able to speak about challenging situations and how they are impacting us can be very helpful in coping with these challenges.

Today’s check in is very simple:

At a set time each day (morning or evening), ask everyone around to rate their mood on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the worst mood and 10 being the best.

Please remember to listen with LUV and to resist offering "helpful advice" for now. The focus is simply to check in and validate whatever they may be feeling at the time.

Today let us look around and see how others in our family are coping.

If there are upsurges and down surges of moods around right now, please know that this is to be expected. If people are more short tempered or irritable, please cut them some slack.

Everyone in our family is also going through their own stress right now and there is no manual (yet!) on how families can cope through a global pandemic. I have no doubt that we will settle into a new normal and adjust to changing circumstances and it will take some time.

In the meantime, let us develop a habit of checking in with those around us as well.

Before we explore some ways to check in with those around us, let us remind ourselves that when they do share, to listen with LUV.

Here is what I mean:

1)   When we give name our feelings rather than acting them out, we give ourselves and each other the gift of connection rather conflict. Sharing our inner world is the gateway to intimacy and connection.
2)   When we announce where we are at emotionally, we take responsibility for our own state rather than blame those around us for causing our distress.
3)   When we declare that we are having a hard time right now, we relieve others around us of thinking that they are the cause. They then do not have to walk on eggshells around us.
4)    When we are emotionally open, it gives our family something they need desperately right now: certainty. Rather than guessing if...

"and speak to them a generous word [Quran 17:23]"

This segment is from a verse in Sura Isra that we have already visited this month. Here Allah is advising us that an important part of honouring your parents is how you speak to them.

Qawlan Kariman means noble words, gentle and soft words showing honour and esteem.

We have a major obligation of excellence of conduct towards our parents. After God, they are the most important object of our love, attention and affection.

And because children mean so much to parents, the hearts of parents tend to be very sensitive towards their children. A careless word from a child which the child may not think twice about, has the power to deeply wound those that gave birth to him and raised her.

Such words from children are doubly painful because

a) They come from one whom you love most in the world and have sacrificed for and because
b) Parents tend to blame themselves for the conduct of their children. It is easier for a parent to believe that...

Today’s verse makes a distinction between respect and obedience towards parents.

And if they (both) contend with you that you should associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them, and keep company with them in (this) world kindly [Quran 31:15]

So while the general injunction is to obey parents, this verse lays out an important exception to the general rule.

If your parents are forcing you towards disbelief or encouraging you towards polytheism, you may not obey them. Parents have more rights over you than anyone else. But this right does not include the right to come between you and your relationship with God.

However, this exception does not absolve children from the duties of showing excellent conduct and compassion towards their parents.

According to scholars, this verse was revealed when some new converts to Islam were emotionally blackmailed by their parents to give up the faith. These new converts were in a very challenging situation since the faith...

We have been exploring examples for implementation intentions for different areas of our lives in order to give ourselves the best chance of reaching our goals in these areas. 

Here are some examples of implementation intentions for common obstacles in parenting. 

·     If my child drops something, I will help them clean it up without drama
·     If my child wants to tell me something, I will stop what I am doing and listen
·     If my child makes a mistake, I will take the time to give them feedback 
·     If my child wants to learn a new skill, I will train them
·     If my child asks a difficult question that makes me feel uncomfortable, I will be brave and engage in the conversation
·     If my children are fighting I will not join the chaos
·     If...

Barbara Oakley shares some fascinating research about procrastination in her book A mind for Numbers.

She claims that you can take people who hate doing math and scan their brains and actually SEE their pain centers light up as they contemplate having to do math! In other words, when they think about math, they feel physical pain. Weird right?

But it gets very interesting. When her research subjects actually start doing the math (rather than thinking about it) those pain centers turn themselves off!!

In other words, the anticipation of doing a task which they thought was unpleasant caused the pain. But the pain went away when they actually started doing the task.

This point is worth reading again and again and memorizing:

PROCRASTIPAIN IS THE ANTICIPATION of doing something unpleasant. And the cure for procrastipain is to start doing the task.

...

Imagine that you are walking in the cemetery and you come across your own tombstone. The cemetery has certain rules about what you can put on your tombstone. The choices are:

Full of potential. Had many talents and gifts. Had very good intentions of using them. Ran out of time. Died while planning.

OR

Spent. All used up. Tried (and failed many times). Played full on. Did what s/he could. Died while engaged with life.

Some of us thrive on the adrenalin rush that comes from doing things last minute. We tell ourselves that we work best under tight deadlines.

Research shows however, that procrastination comes with many costs. 

University of Calgary psychologist Piers Steel’s studies show that procrastinators perform poorly, experience low self esteem, make poor economic and financial decisions and suffer more medical problems than their non-procrastinating peers. 

And sadly, procrastinators don’t just delay completing unpleasant tasks. They also end up procrastinating on opportunities to enjoy themselves, such as waiting too long to buy tickets for vacations, concerts or sporting events and either miss out on these or end up paying a lot more for them.

Think of a recent time when you procrastinated on something. What did it end up costing you? Was the cost financial, relationship-based or a reduction in self-esteem?