Blog
Why you need to end the year with gratitude (DW #859)
Dec 31, 2020
Before we finish and complete the end of year reflections, there is one more essential component of completing the past. And that is gratitude.
By now we are all familiar with the power of gratitude to transform our lives. We have discussed it at length several times.
What we need to remind ourselves at this point is that gratitude can be key to goal achievement in the new year.
A leading authority on the science of gratitude, Robert A. Emmons, along with Anjali Mishra crafted a study comparing grateful and non grateful goal striving. They had participants keep a gratitude journal, as well as provide a list of goals they hoped to reach over a two-month period.
Ten weeks later Emmons and Mishra checked back and found the participants who kept a gratitude journal were significantly closer than others to achieving their goals. Unlike what we are sometimes led to believe, focusing on what we have does not make us complacent. They found instead that gratitude...
What needs to be cleaned up in relationships? (DW #858)
Dec 30, 2020
As we continue with end of year reflections, let us remind ourselves that incompleteness in relationships takes up a lot of mental and emotional bandwidth in our lives and saps our creative energy.
The end of the year is a great chance to clean these up and move forward.
So let us tackle some:
- What are some commitments that you did not end up keeping to others
- Who do you need to apologize to? (hard one, this!)
- Who do you need to forgive in order to move on to the next year with renewed energy and love?
- Who do you need to thank for their role in your life this year?
- What important things need to be said? (What are you waiting for?)
- Who needs to know that you love them despite everything?
- Who have you missed being more connected to this year? Do they know this?
- What ego trait has stopped you from being more connected to your loved ones? (How is that working out for you? Are you ready to let this go yet?)
Of course, these reflections are...
The opportunity principle (DW #857)
Dec 29, 2020
Continuing with our discussion on regret from yesterday, let us explore this a little more.
Some years ago, researchers from the University studied people’s biggest regrets in life. They found that the six biggest regrets people expressed (in the USA) had to do with education, career, romance, parenting, self- improvement, and leisure.
After ranking the regrets, the researchers Roese and Summerville went about dissecting the mechanism of regret and mapped a three-stage process of action, outcome, and recall.
Here is the summary:
The action stage is where we take steps toward a goal.
The outcome stage is where we experience the result of our effort. If there is failure to act, or if the action is unsuccessful, it can often trigger regret in the recall stage, which is the third stage. Recall is when we look back on the event and consider whether we are happy with the outcome or not.
What was interesting was that the researchers found...
What do you regret? (DW #856)
Dec 28, 2020
While doing the end of year review feelings of regret can show up about missed opportunities, and near wins. And since these can be intense, painful and include self-blame, it is tempting to try and distance ourselves from them.
Regret is an uncomfortable and sometimes toxic emotion. Experts find, however, that there can be an upside of regret. Regret can teach us valuable lessons if we are brave enough to pause and reflect on what is causing the regret.
Janet Landman, a University of Michigan psychologist suggests that regret has several benefits.
Firstly, regret teaches us what not to do in the future. Reflecting on our missteps and mistakes is critical to avoiding these missteps in the future.
Secondly, facing regret and acknowledging where we fell short can act as motivation to change. Landman says, "Regret may not only tell us that something is wrong, but it can also move us to do something about it."
Thirdly, regret acts like a moral compass,...
A review of domains in our lives and the roles (DW #855)
Dec 25, 2020
When we are doing the end of year reflections and setting goals for the new year, it is easy to focus on one or two areas of life which we may be preoccupied with at the moment, while ignoring others.
Living our best self requires us to pay attention to all aspects of our lives, even areas which may not immediately come to mind.
The first step in thinking this way is to define the 'domains' of our life.
Living our best self requires us to pay attention to all aspects of our lives, even areas which may not immediately come to mind.
The first step in thinking this way is to define the 'domains' of our life.
Another way look at it is to consider our various roles in life at present, at home, at work, in our communities and in the world at large.
For example, here are some 'domains' which may be applicable to you:
- The health domain
- The spiritual domain
- The work domain
- The business domain
- The marriage domain
- The parenting domain
- The community service domain
- The domain of family relationships/family of origin, extended family
- The domain of friendships
- The home organization domain
- The domain of self-growth and actualization
The domain of personal well being (emotional and mental)
...
What is left unfinished? (DW #854)
Dec 24, 2020
If you have been following DW advice, you have been setting some stretch goals, goals that are not all that easy to accomplish.
And there is a good possibility that you may not have accomplished all the goals that you set at the beginning of this year. This is almost to be expected.
But what do you do about them?
Now is a good idea to "clean up" what is left unfinished.
The end of year is an excellent time to review what did not end up happening this year. If you are still serious about this goal and still want to achieve it, go ahead and recommit.
If your priorities have changed, or it does not fit in to your life or plans right now, let it go.
In either case, go through what is not done and consciously declare it not done, and either recommit or let it go.
It is not a good idea to ignore it or simply carry it forward to next year because open loops are a major cause of energy drain in our lives.
What were some lessons learnt this year? (DW #853)
Dec 23, 2020
This is, of course, a great exercise to do every year but in this "CoVid year", it is more important than ever. When things are changing and challenging, it can be hard to take a step back and take stock because we are so busy dealing with the situation as it unfolds. But now it has been many months and if we have not paused and reflected yet, it is time to do so!
So what are some of the persons lessons you have learnt this year? Realizations that you have come to?
While you are writing them down, it is effective to do so in short, positively worded statements.
So what are some of the persons lessons you have learnt this year? Realizations that you have come to?
While you are writing them down, it is effective to do so in short, positively worded statements.
- Here are some examples:
I learnt that in challenging times it pays to focus on simple daily rituals to keep me grounded. - I learnt that there are always, ALWAYS things to be grateful for. When things are challenging, it helps to focus on the beauty of nature, the smiles of babies and cute kitten videos :) .
- I learnt that things that I used to diss (social media and technology) can become lifelines. One more lesson in how I...
Don’t be a metaphysical glutton(DW #822)
Oct 20, 2020
If you are anything like me, you get very inspired with books and lectures on self-growth, and love to keep making positive changes in your lives.
If you come across some wisdom that applies to your life, you are eager to implement it.
So far, so good. Small but continuous positive growth is what it is all about.
A word of caution, though.
It is a good idea to focus on one area of your life at one time. Pick something to work on and install that before tackling something else.
It is a recipe for crashing and burning if you try to address every area of your life all at once (don’t ask me how I know this!)
I love how American philosopher and writer Ken Wilber (often referred to as the "Einstein of consciousness studies") puts it: Don’t be a metaphysical glutton.
In other words: Don’t try to change EVERYTHING AT ONCE.
Setbacks and relapses(DW #819)
Oct 15, 2020
We all have days when we fall short of our standards for ourselves and feel disappointed, even hopeless in our perceived lack of progress.
At least I do.
It is just part of the process. Set backs and relapses into old habits and ways of being do not signal lack of progress because:
GROWTH IS NOT LINEAR.
Growth does not occur in one beautiful, straight line from where you are to where you want to be. Growth looks more like a jagged zig zag line than a straight up-and-to-the-right line.
As George Leonard tells us: As we negotiate our path of mastery and let go of old habits, we need to have a "willingness to take one step back for every two forward, sometimes vice versa."
Sometimes vice versa!! This means that sometimes, on the journey, it will appear that you are taking only one step forward and two or three or four steps backwards.
The trick is to recognize the back slide AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. And get back on track.
What is your Trimtab?(DW #817)
Oct 13, 2020
Do you know what a Trimtab is?
It is a small six-inch wide strip of metal attached by hinges to the trailing edge of a ship’s rudder. As an engine’s hydraulics force the Trimtab into the path of oncoming water, the pressure generated against it assists the rudder in making its turn.
The Trimtab was invented to solve a critical engineering problem at the height of World War II. As the war raged on the high seas, ever-larger battle ships were needed. As the ships grew in size, their steering mechanisms required more power to turn their rudders than their engines could produce. The tiny Trimtab was able to turn and change the course of gigantic ships with minimal power and effort. The revolutionary invention of the Trimtab not only solved this crucial military problem, it also created a new paradigm for human greatness.
It has always fascinated me how such a tiny piece on the rudder of the ship can change the direction of the huge ship.
And it seems that...